(written on Dec 11)
I've avoided having raw food community for 8 years because I was so afraid being wrong and being judgmental. I agreed years ago with what doug graham was saying because of the experiences I was having - but his anger, judgement and closed mindedness scared me. was afraid but instead, I found jumping into relationships and friendships where there were too many differences of core values. but the biggest theme is, the fear of being wrong, being judgmental, angry, unloving and closed minded - then recognizing I am exactly what i have been avoiding. My judgement has held all my career opportunities back because i am so hard on myself that it is paralyzing - with music, school, healing... right now i am about to move across the country to go to a holistic midwifery program, but i am so afraid that i will yet again, like now, not have the raw food/community i need, like i am experiencing here. Being into Permaculture and Raw Food and Growing Food and Conscious Conception, I feel so lonely that I just binge to make the feeling go away. But I am realizing that feeling i am avoiding, is the feeling of judgement and conditional love. That since I was a child at age 6, so sensitive, and wanting so much for heaven to be on earth now, rejecting the present realities of global suffering and praying for God to fix it or give me the power to do something! I see now that my fundamental view of people and the world has been for 2 decades that everything is wrong and everything needs to change, unless its natural. i feel so judgemental and unloving. what happened to loving unconditionally? how do we have high ethics and values and have love on the top of the list, and center of our lives!?!?
I've avoided having raw food community for 8 years because I was so afraid being wrong and being judgmental. I agreed years ago with what doug graham was saying because of the experiences I was having - but his anger, judgement and closed mindedness scared me. was afraid but instead, I found jumping into relationships and friendships where there were too many differences of core values. but the biggest theme is, the fear of being wrong, being judgmental, angry, unloving and closed minded - then recognizing I am exactly what i have been avoiding. My judgement has held all my career opportunities back because i am so hard on myself that it is paralyzing - with music, school, healing... right now i am about to move across the country to go to a holistic midwifery program, but i am so afraid that i will yet again, like now, not have the raw food/community i need, like i am experiencing here. Being into Permaculture and Raw Food and Growing Food and Conscious Conception, I feel so lonely that I just binge to make the feeling go away. But I am realizing that feeling i am avoiding, is the feeling of judgement and conditional love. That since I was a child at age 6, so sensitive, and wanting so much for heaven to be on earth now, rejecting the present realities of global suffering and praying for God to fix it or give me the power to do something! I see now that my fundamental view of people and the world has been for 2 decades that everything is wrong and everything needs to change, unless its natural. i feel so judgemental and unloving. what happened to loving unconditionally? how do we have high ethics and values and have love on the top of the list, and center of our lives!?!?
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